Ghul [interlude]

If I may manifest the might here, I shall share with you, my dearly beloved, a soliloquy of revelation reserved only for those in my exact condition. Here... in this darkness, an inescapable vacuum of light beckons from within me! O you know this already know all of this, don't you? Well... Having been made so well aware of my condition and circumstance, you would bade me no harm in one more confession, would you? ... all my life is contained not to myself, as I am the last to survive an eternal two... in this darkness, my mind is a veil, a garment of torture loomed of oblivion... I am kept only by the ghost, the spirit whisper of my brother...    It should be said, yes oh yes it should, in my mother tongue, had I any earthly strength left to speak with, I would serenade you through the depths of this Hell, and raise you up unto the plateaus of Paradise! I'll have no confusion on the sequence of this path, my beloved, in this darkness, I am well in the depths of Hell now... where my only company keeps for me slaving ghost dreams of a life, my own suffering, O lord! In every torturous image, I've superseded with only my faith, that in one fell swoop, every drop of my blood would rain down from the cracks in your opaque skies, where light has taken thine form, in an infinite well, where all water is holy and divine!
O brother
your soul
has been my guide!
In a gentle beam, this body of sand
has followed thy trace
through untilled steppes, plagued with emerald fogs,
debris of war, cautious heavy steps
voices moulded in mud -
A raging giant stomps:
Let me from flesh!
through two raw soles
my blood may return to a bile swamp
which boils and steams
beneath an unforgiving sun
O brother
I am that steam -
I ask for nothing.
You are merely immortal...
I die and live in a rotting gut
where light is divine and shade is sought.
Fire cannot burn you,
brother, I am fire - say I am fire!
say I am the keeper
of that not kept
but tendered,
by soft, innocent palms
for my own are stained
with invisible blood -
your death is mine
to mourn alone, quietly
throughout the hollow night
we whisper one another -
"Brother, you are dreaming..."
for all my life belongs only to you,
I promise you dream...
by this I mean:

I am
where you
are
an infinite
space

folding
death
in two

we dream a life

Brother, you be immortal -
Keep that angel's songbook
tucked beneath your pillow.
I am satisfied dying
without asking you why -
you explained existence silently,
how the Adenium petrifies -
clusters of gypsum roses...

Need not pity you -
Nor do I envy
the dead or immortal
more than a pillar
of light supporting the celestial ceiling
O brother, I am one shining with you
here, there's a saying
that pressure produces diamonds -
no more stone or mineral than you,
us spiritual sediments, evolving
beneath the bile well,
in glimmering fractals, emulating
shadows in the shadows
a darkness of itself -
I understood, carried on...

as I say -
I have nothing
I have only you
as I say -
I am nothing
I am only you

O brother, without you
there is no sun, no light, no life!
Even in this darkness
you are an eclipse
of body and mind
where the moon is my reflection
and this earth is my image -
Here, brother, take this...
my last first lament -

Men came with guns
in planes, with guns
the white men came
to us, like Angels
of Death.
And stalked the den
God hollowed for us
on that holy mountainside
where half myself survived
the instant you died.
I once caught myself
digging up the earth
thinking I might find
your remains, a grave
I dug for myself.
If only I knew
I needn't make room for two...

Brother, my heart bleeds
all over the floor.
Letting myself feel my own letting
as it runs between my fingers,
I'm fighting it for my surrender -
with professions of sacrifice
one eulogy to another
self-fulfilling to the next...
Then, I will
will it again.

Again... again, brother, again!
Every resolution ends again...
Where I find you
at odds with ends
as in a beginning
you will never know
the beginning of ending again

All those old texts reserving sermons of time, in an abandoned church full of perishing pilgrims, they fear the prophet who fulfills their prophecy. Which sleep pulls life toward God, that dream, a wealth divided amongst its subjects. You who are free from obligations of will wish nothing, my own oblivion, a stalker beyond the mirror, brother, what luck has brought us here?

It is not enough to bury you forever

Neither was it once
when we were children.
To cry for you, I take short breaths
between these suffocated prayers
for my own return,
a home ruined yesterday
beneath this purgatory sleep -
that never-ending day, tomorrow

Eternity is not long enough -
the poet says:
Truth is not found
within one dream, but within many.
Brother, how many lives
have I found you -
and how many dreams
will we share again?

I've only taken patience
you have selflessly spared
to watch stars die -
the shape of memories
shifting in your eyes
the last time you gazed upon me.

With no voice to sing your song
and no eyes to cry your tears -
this life ends where it begins
isolated, alone in silence.

To say I survived you is a lie,
a life never lived, no body of God
is capable of resisting my suffering
for you I stretch this veil of oblivion
across all four corners
of Earth and beyond this life
destined to be destroyed
then never again resurrected
to suffer you eternally
I die to survive -
infinite pieces of matter
self aware and indifferent.